Left to carry the burden of their families alone, several widowers in Mbita, Homa Bay County, are undergoing a rough patch while trying to balance parental roles.
With the deaths of their wives taking a heavy toll on their psychological and emotional well-being, some of these men, until recently when the Widowers’ Health, Empowerment and Support organisation came to their rescue, kept their tribulations to themselves.
William Ochieng is one of the widowers. The 71-year-old lost his wife way back in 2004. He re-married another immediately, but the second wife also died a year later.
He rues the move, vowing that, given a chance, he would never get another wife again. “The problems I have faced have changed my perception about marriage,” Ochieng said.
Evance Ouma, another widower, echoes, saying life has become unbearable for him. His wife died last July, leaving him with four children.
For Ouma, it has been difficult to make ends meet. “Today, I am the father and mother of my children. It is a challenging task playing the role of both parents raising children,” he lamented.
He would have gotten another woman to help him take care of the children, but with limited sources of income, the thought of remarrying never crosses his mind.
“I don’t want to waste my meagre resources on marrying another wife. The main focus is to raise my children,” he added.
Joseph Oyugi has remarried thrice and ended up being disappointed. All three wives left him after brief spells.
According to Oyugi, the three women who came into his life following the death of his wife piled more miseries in his life. Two wives walked away while the third one became violent and began assaulting him. “I knew I was the strongest person who used to assault people in my village. But I was surprised when the third wife began slapping me. I had to deal with her before she quit the marriage,” Oyugi said.
What worries the widowers more is the belief that a man without a wife can hardly achieve good harvests if he plants crops — a widely held belief among the Luo community.
Pius Gor, 62, whose wife died in 1996, argues that a wife is a source of wealth. Gor believes that a man can hardly be rich without a wife.
“Farming is the main source of livelihood in our county. However, you must have a wife with whom you have sex before planting crops. Your crops will not yield if you fail to do so,” Gor said. Following the plight of these widowers, George Mboya is appealing to the government to create a special fund for them, in a bid to prolong their lives.
He said the funds will cushion them from frustrations and financial challenges. Some of them are left with many children they are unable to support due to old age.
The Director of Widowers’ Health, Empowerment and Support, Samuel Okombo, said most widowers engage in drug and alcohol abuse because of the problems they undergo.
“Some of the widowers engage in too much drinking of illicit brews because of frustrations. They need help,” Okombo said.
Meanwhile, Okombo has started encouraging the widowers to form groups for empowerment.
The Chief of Lambwe West Location Fredrick Odero said the widowers’ tribulations impede development in the society, adding that their children suffer in terms of growth and development.
